Hi, it's me again. It's been a really long time since the last time I posted here, rite?
I know I shouldn't make any excuse about the reason why I seldomly write again, neither in blog nor in real life (I mean not to be published here). Well, back then, I really drowned myself in some activities which were really consumed me, both energy and mind. I took my master degree since 2015 and in the same time also worked as a writing teacher in a writing school for children and teenagers in a frontier territory between Surabaya and Sidoarjo.
Yup, I still studied literature as my concentration in master degree, and also guide my students in writing school to write their own short stories and at the end of semester, they would publish their works in a compilation book. If you asked me how did I feel at that time and did I enjoy my activities, the answer was: YES. I really enjoyed the time I spent with children, enjoyed the time I used to explore more about literature. I also enjoyed the time I had to analyze literature work in college, the time I had to discuss about theories of literature with friends or lecturer. However, I had to admit that I also felt tired at sometime. Tired of the duties and responsibilities that must be done, tired of the demands from the boss to finish some tasks as soon as possible, tired of college tasks which appeared every time, tired of the deadline from the lecturers...
Oh, have I mentioned about the pressure I felt in the process of my thesis? Basically, I am a person who MUST do everything based on the timeline. And the deadline of thesis really killed me at that time. Never I passed a day without slept late at night nor waited messages from my thesis advisors. I cried many times, never imagined that the road to pursue a master degree would be that difficult.
However, every time I wanted to give up, I always remembered my parents. I did not want to disappoint them. It's true that sometimes we argued about many things, especially with my mom. But no matter what happened, I always love them and I want to do the best for them. I want to make them happy as long as I can.
The truth is, until now, I still think that what I've done is never enough for them. Yes, I finally finished my master degree. On time as I wanted. I was so happy since I didn't need to ask my parents to pay my college tuition (and can breath for a while from college things). But it doesn't make me happy instantly. I still need to work hard to pursue my career and be independent financially. Yes, I've got a job after resigned from the writing school, but it's not a permanent job yet. Therefore, I decide to do multiple jobs right now, so I could save some money and use the rest for my daily needs. Sometimes I feel bored of course, I wish I could get a permanent full time job like the others, so I don't need to go round from one work area to the other in a day.
Another thing that still be my question (and anxiety) is... a life partner. Of course, everyone wants to meet his/her soulmate. The one who can be a friend to grow old together, to learn about life, to talk about many things. And the important things for me, the one who can guide me and wants to build a family together. It doesn't mean that I'm in a rush to get married, NO. I think it's normal for a woman in my age to talk about marriage. I want to get married not because many people around me have been married. I don't think that marriage is a competition nor a solution for life problem, but deep in my heart, I really want to get married. There was the time when I truly believe in someone and thought that he was the one. We had a quite long relationship, the on-off one. Actually, I had thought from a long time that it's not healthy to be like this and I tried to fix our communication, try to speak about it with him. The thing was, maybe God had different plan for us. So here I am, separate from him and try to let it be. Try to forgive him (even I couldn't forget what he did) and give my hope only for Him.
I don't know about God's plan for me, but I believe He knows the best ad He will show me the ways in the right time, either it is for my career or my life partner. So I hope now I could learn more and do the best in my life. Oh, don't forget to love my self, because by loving my self, I would learn to appreciate what I've done and face this life better. I also hope from now on, I can start my writing routine again (since it's like a catharsis for me haha).
Cheer up and don't forget to ask for His guidance!
However, every time I wanted to give up, I always remembered my parents. I did not want to disappoint them. It's true that sometimes we argued about many things, especially with my mom. But no matter what happened, I always love them and I want to do the best for them. I want to make them happy as long as I can.
The truth is, until now, I still think that what I've done is never enough for them. Yes, I finally finished my master degree. On time as I wanted. I was so happy since I didn't need to ask my parents to pay my college tuition (and can breath for a while from college things). But it doesn't make me happy instantly. I still need to work hard to pursue my career and be independent financially. Yes, I've got a job after resigned from the writing school, but it's not a permanent job yet. Therefore, I decide to do multiple jobs right now, so I could save some money and use the rest for my daily needs. Sometimes I feel bored of course, I wish I could get a permanent full time job like the others, so I don't need to go round from one work area to the other in a day.
Another thing that still be my question (and anxiety) is... a life partner. Of course, everyone wants to meet his/her soulmate. The one who can be a friend to grow old together, to learn about life, to talk about many things. And the important things for me, the one who can guide me and wants to build a family together. It doesn't mean that I'm in a rush to get married, NO. I think it's normal for a woman in my age to talk about marriage. I want to get married not because many people around me have been married. I don't think that marriage is a competition nor a solution for life problem, but deep in my heart, I really want to get married. There was the time when I truly believe in someone and thought that he was the one. We had a quite long relationship, the on-off one. Actually, I had thought from a long time that it's not healthy to be like this and I tried to fix our communication, try to speak about it with him. The thing was, maybe God had different plan for us. So here I am, separate from him and try to let it be. Try to forgive him (even I couldn't forget what he did) and give my hope only for Him.
I don't know about God's plan for me, but I believe He knows the best ad He will show me the ways in the right time, either it is for my career or my life partner. So I hope now I could learn more and do the best in my life. Oh, don't forget to love my self, because by loving my self, I would learn to appreciate what I've done and face this life better. I also hope from now on, I can start my writing routine again (since it's like a catharsis for me haha).
Cheer up and don't forget to ask for His guidance!
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